I’m thrilled for her beginning a new chapter in her journey, and equally thankful for teaching me lessons on promises and friendship lies
We’ve known each other for 11 years, but this incident feels like I had never known her at all. After this incident, it feels I only knew what she wanted me to know about her. What she likes, what she loves.
Even after knowing since teenage, I feel I’d only known her through the Facebook posts she tagged me to. The tags about “friendships,” “friends after marriage,” “songs to dance at your besties weddings,” “your feelings on the first date,” and other such “friendship goals.”
A few days ago, if you’d reminded me, I’d probably burst out crying or fume in anger, but now it seems funny.
I laugh because what else can I do? Just remember those memories of happiness and giddiness, thinking my “best” friend and I are besties and we’ll not change after marriage!
Truth be told, I don’t blame her completely for whatever reasons she chose to inform me about her engagement over WhatsApp. I should have seen it coming, especially when I sensed her strange, weirdest behaviour on her birthday.
Since I could not go to her home to celebrate, I made sure she receives the gift because I believe the essence of gifting is making the person feel special on that day itself. Yes, we should celebrate ourselves every day, but the essence of “The Nameday” is on one’s birthday only! :D
Since I could not meet her personally on her birthday, I made sure she received my gift at least. My father was travelling to the same road and so I informed her to come down and collect the gift as my father would be in the car and can’t come up.
She said, “I can’t come, I’m teaching. You leave the gift to the security.”
I said, “Yaar, you can come for 5 mins, just take the gift and go. Don’t you go to the toilet for 5 mins?”
This was her first sign of change, which I refused to notice back then.
I asked her if there’s any problem or is there something she can’t tell me at the moment, to which she replied oddly and said:
“My security guards are very responsible and are always available. Drop your gift to them, they’ll bring it up.”
As I recall my emotions now, I felt an arrow pierce through me hearing such words from her. I could never, ever expect such a response from her to such a minuscule thing like that. I was fuming in anger, but I did not want to become my emotion. For a moment I felt not to send her the gift, but I thought maybe she’d have better reasoning for the way she behaved.
I wrote her address detail and attached it to the gift and told my father to give it to her’s one of the many security guards.
When my father arrived at her complex, he found no security guards. I called her to convey to her the situation and asked her if she’s free and would like to come down only if she’s available. She agreed with a “Pchhh” and said okay coming.
By then I had become egoistical too and then forwarded a WhatsApp:
“Thank you so much for taking the time out and collecting your gift.”
I’d gifted her favourite sweets and a top and told her to send a pic of the top in case she doesn’t like the fit, I’ll find a replacement.
But till date, and it’s been over a month now, she hasn’t found the time to try that top. Funny enough, she’d click and send me pics of even the smallest ring she’d buy. But trying-a-top is too time-consuming now!
Busss, that was it. After that, I messaged her one last time to ask how was her day and if there was anything she’d like to tell me, to which she said no. I wished her again and hung-up, absolutely clueless of what happened, why it happened what happened and, who was to be blamed for what happened?
After that day, I resoluted not to message her until she clarifies what happened. I was going through my sets of up-and-downs too, which though I don’t always tell her until an emergency or taking a life-altering decision.
All seem to come on my face on 15th February when she informed me over a text message that she’s getting engaged the next day and I was like WHOAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
WHAT DID JUST HAPPEN?
I was shaken to my core because I had not seen it coming at all. Yes, there were talks of getting married by 2021 and all, but this! That she is getting engaged, had spoken with the guy, met the guy without even mentioning it to me, her so-called bestie, was something I could not process at all!
I stared for 5 mins. I texted her congratulations and went to cry.
I could not process what just happened. I thought maybe it was a joke. How could she meet and greet a new guy without hinting to me she’s meeting him and all that? Weren’t we best friends, like, just a couple of months ago? Does someone’s arrival change things so fast?
Do you get soooo invested in a person so soon that you forget a friend with whom you’d promised to share all these things first?
I don’t know what situations and circumstances she was into that led to her engagement so fast.
I don't even know if she’d been talking to the guy for months/weeks/days.
I don’t know. I don’t. I don’t. I do not know anything.
When this reality hit me that she’s going to get married within a few months from now on, I could not control my tears. Tears of our friendship and false promises. Hot tears which felt like arrows, which my stupid, teenage-friend heart could only think as a heart-wrenching hurt because someone new has arrived.
And that I, as someone older, am replaceable with something newer.
As I recall more of those, it all seems meaningless yet meaningful now. I remember how she’d tagged on FB & Insta we’d be besties for life. As I scrolled through some notifications, even a few months ago, I can only laugh now. Oh, were those emotions even for real? I was so dumb.
On the night before the engagement (the day she informed me), I called her and asked if she’s happy. I did not tell her anything. I did not breach her privacy nor dig-in to find any information about her fiance. I just asked:
Why did you tell me this over a WhatsApp?
To which she had to cut the call abruptly, maybe she was getting a call from the other end?
That was the last I “heard” from her. That night, I wrote a poem after making my eyes red with hot tears. I vouched not to cry on this topic further, thinking after I’ve written the poem, I’d move on, but clearly, my reality is far away.
As I write this, I still cry. If I have to time, I think I’ve probably wasted a day crying for her. For she telling me about her engagement like the way she did. :)
My other friends consoled me, saying it’s for the good. That I needed it because I did not see it coming, that I was probably living in a bubble. A bubble of “nothing will ever not change.”
That unknowingly I’d made too many expectations and attachments. That friendship, like any other relationship, does not guarantee both sides feel the same. There’s no boundation. It’s not a give-take in equal proportion. That it was her choice to not let me tell me about her engagement sooner. That it was her choice to let me know over WhatsApp. That I am not responsible for the way she chose to let me know about her news.
I don’t wish to give my friend bad vibes at all. I’m truly happy for her on finding her love, her mate, soul mate. I wish the newer chapter brings lots of good wishes, happiness and all her dreams come true.
And, in fact, as I write this, I feel lighter strangely. Light because I feel I now am re-re-re-re-re-affirmed that:
“Change is the only constant.”
I’m reminded of a very meaningful quote from, “The Fault in our stars”
Pain demands to be felt.
10 Thought-Provoking Quotes from #TFIOS (The Fault in Our Stars) | Common Room
John Green doesn't underestimate teens so his characters tend to say some insightful things. Here are my 10 favorite…
I’d like to add my process: I let the pain consume me. Then I want to write about it, to forget it. Because that’s what helps me move on from any experience.
I have seen heartbreaks and I have unwillingly broken a few hearts, too.
I have cried for days when a few friends broke my trust, and I cried too when I could not live up to their expectation.
But this sort of heartbreak is new to me. The heartbreak when a friend of 11 years starts dating without “telling” you anything about it and eventually gets married.
For the last two nights, I’m getting up from the middle of sleep and unknowingly the thing that strikes my head is: We’re all growing up.
Will she just be “another contact” on my phone and just a mutual friend on social media?
But even if all those happen, all memories and pics will remain. The good ones, the bitter ones, and the saddest ones. Though, I’ll cherish the sad ones the most. Because it is the saddest memory that taught me a wonderful lesson;
Change is constant.
I’ll more consciously judge when anyone tells me: “You’ll be the first one to know this.”
And I will never use this phrase as loosely as I used before. I’ll be more conscious of making friends and not taking the older ones for granted. EVER.
Because we never know when’s the last time we speak to someone as carefree. Without knowing what the future holds because situations change, as is written and proven: Change is the only constant. :)